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Why Didn’t He Call?

Why Doesn't He CallYou think everything’s great. You’re looking forward to seeing him again. And then he says, those famous last words, I’ll call you.

You wait and you wait. You feel worse and worse. You sit by the phone. And you keep asking yourself — Why doesn’t he call? 

No Call After a First Date

Since he doesn’t really know you yet, this is the easiest one to shake off. Sure, you’re disappointed. And it would be better if he hadn’t said he’d call or if he could let you know he’s just not interested. But, according to Greg Behrendt (2004), a guy would rather lose a limb than tell you he’s just not that into you.

You’ve Had a Few Dates and He Forgets to Call

In the beginning, there can be mix-ups and misunderstandings. You’re still getting to know each other and getting your rhythm down. If you don’t hear from him when you expect to, there’s always the chance that he actually forgot. This doesn’t have to mean that it’s over. That will depend on how he handles the mix-up.

When you ask him about the missed call — does he sincerely apologize? Or does he get defensive or come up with a big long story? If he takes responsibility without making you feel bad, that’s a really good sign. On the other hand, if you blames you or seems to be less than forthcoming, that’s a big red flag. And remember, in the beginning, this is him on his best behavior.

You’re a Couple and He’s MIA (Missing in Action)

You’re in a relationship. You have a well established pattern of checking in with each other. You talk every day. Or maybe you text throughout the day. And then something starts to shift. The texting slows down. He’s not calling as often or he’s not picking up your calls. You tell yourself it’s no big deal, but something inside you says it is.

After the initial infatuation subsides, it’s normal to have less intense contact. But, there’s usually more regular contact and time together. On the other hand, if it feels like he’s starting to back up, pay attention. And talk about what’s happening. Otherwise, there’s a good chance — the closer you get, the more he’ll back off.

He’s Gone Without a Trace

This one is the absolute worst. One minute you’re in a relationship. The next minute, he’s gone. He stops calling, He stops texting. He stops coming around. It’s over. And you have no idea what happened. The most important thing to remember with this guy is — you probably didn’t really know him. And it’s really not you, it’s him. But, you’ll feel more empowered if you can see any red flags you may have missed.

Did he come on really strong at first? Usually, the faster they come on, the faster they’ll go away. Were there times that you ignored your instincts? The more you trust yourself, the safer you’ll feel about trusting the next guy. Was he someone you could really see yourself with? Or were you settling for less than you deserve?

If you’re tired of flaky guys and you’re ready for someone who is into you, counseling can help. Why waste time sitting by the phone, when you could be spending it with a great guy instead?

BehrendtG & Tucillo, L. (2004). He’s Just Not That Into You. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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