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How to Trust (Yourself) Again, Feb. 5th, 2011

I know your priority is trying to find someone you could have a real relationship with.

And you know I always say — It’s an inside job and an outside job.

The outside work is all the dating stuff — see 3 people, don’t get physical, find your village (people with your values) …   A lot of this is from Andy Whaling’s singles group that I attended after my divorce.

The inside work is harder, but really more important.  It includes discovering:

* What went wrong in your last relationship
* Why you’re attracted to a certain “type”
* How to recognize red flags so you can RUN AWAY!

People always ask me — “how will I ever trust again?”  I let them know it’s less about trusting someone else (though that’s part of it).  And it’s more about learning to trust YOURSELF.

Because when you can see where you ignored your gut in the past and how that didn’t work out, you’ll be more likely to trust yourself in the future.

So instead of doubting yourself the next time someone does something that doesn’t feel right — like putting you down or making you feel bad in some way… you begin to realize that it’s them and not you.

And once you can start screening out the players, you’ll be more ready to find the good ones.

So that’s our topic for our Valentine’s Relationship Seminar next month.  How to Trust (Yourself) Again!

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • andywhalenite

    Find your village? I am stuck on that one….

    • Vondie

      Andy talks about how in the “olden days” when we lived in villages it was easier to find a quality person. We probably already knew their family, we had similar values, etc. But nowadays when you meet someone you don’t really know anything about them and what they’re really like. So the key is to find your “village.” The places where you could meet someone who might share your values or other things that are important to you. Your “village” could be a church, the dog park, a political campaign… any place where people would share values that are important to you. Then you just have to meet someone you find attractive and you’ve got the foundation for a good relationship. Get it? :)

      • andywhalenite

        aaahhh, ha!…that is so true!….I had always sensed the “village approach , but I was never quite sure…hmmmm… I have noticed that most women do that by instinct, only, they don’t call it that, they say, they, “date within their league”, how interesting……..hhmmmhh

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