≡ Menu

Don’t Let Texting Ruin A New Relationship

Don't let texting ruin a new relationship

Texting is a great way to stay in touch. But, too much texting in new relationships can backfire.

It goes something like this…

He starts texting you after the first date. You feel kind of weird, since you just met. So, you try to discourage him with short texts back or by ignoring some of his texts.

But, he doesn’t get the hint. You’d like to give him a chance, but all the intense attention is sort of overwhelming and a little stalker-ish.

Or maybe you really like him so it’s fun to get all his texts. He texts you after your first date to tell you how much he enjoyed it. He texts you in the morning to say “hi.” And he texts you at night before bed. You’re sort of in a relationship even though you haven’t made it official.

But, then all of a sudden the texting stops. You’re not really sure what happened. But, you were “talking” so much that it feels almost like a break-up.

Texting lets the fantasy get ahead of reality 

Texting all day or even every day can feel like you’re in a relationship before you really are. And if he’s really into you, he’s gonna assume all kinds of things about your “relationship” that you may not be ready for.

If you really like him and you’re texting back and forth it can be fun at first. But, all that instant, constant contact makes it way too easy to share too much too soon.

Sometimes one person isn’t ready for all that closeness. Or there can be misunderstandings because you don’t really know each other that well yet. Plus, you can misread things because you don’t have the body language and other signals you would if you were talking on the phone or in person.

Don’t let texting tank your new relationship

Set your boundaries right away when he starts texting you. You can let him know you like him by acting excited to hear from him or telling him how much fun you had going out. But, you can also explain that you don’t like to do a lot of texting. Tell him you need to take it slow.

A good guy will respect that and actually value you more.

When is texting a good idea?

It’s great to be able to send a quick text saying, “I’m on my way” or to send him directions. And one or two short text between dates can be nice. Just remember… don’t get carried away.

It’s easy to get ahead of yourself with too much texting. And that can sabotage your new relationship before it even has a chance to get started.

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

{ 0 comments… add one }

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.