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Online Dating: How to Spot His Red Flags

Red Flags in Online DatingIf you want to find your guy, you have to screen out the wrong guys. You need to read between the lines and trust your gut so you can spot the red flags!

He’s Not Quite Ready for Love

Does he mention the “Ex” anywhere in his profile? If he’s still talking about her, he’s not ready for YOU. Red flag.

Is he all the way divorced? No matter how he tries to spin it, separated is not divorced. Repeat after me — “Separated is NOT divorced.” Red flag.

He’s Got Issues

Does he sound angry or impatient? He may have “issues” from his past relationship(s) that will back up on you. Everyone has issues. But, if he’s putting his in his profile, that’s probably a red flag.

Is he talking about sex? All men are interested in sex. But again, if he thinks it’s a good idea to talk about it in his profile. That’s kind of a red flag.

He Needs to Work on His Boundaries

Is he sharing too much? Do you feel uncomfortable reading his profile? He may have bad social skills. Or he may have a tendency to overshare and want instant closeness. If he’s working on these issues, they could be yellow flags. If these are blind spots for him. That’s a red flag.

Is he sharing too little? He may have low self esteem or be very private. These may just be yellow flags. Or it could mean he’s not very invested in the process. That’s a red flag. Or worse, it could mean he’s hiding something. That’s a HUGE RED FLAG.

If you decide to proceed, proceed with caution.

His Pics are Inappropriate 

Does he have a ton of pics? He may be kind of into himself.

Does he have a drink in his hand? He may drink too much.

Does he have someone cut out of his pics? He may not be very tech savvy. Or he’s kind of clueless. These may just be yellow flags. But, they’re kind of sad.

Does he have any pics where he doesn’t have enough clothes on? Ewww.

Is someone or something with him in all his pics? His car, his boat, his friends, or his kids will most likely come before you. You get to decide if this is a yellow flag or a red flag.

No pics at all. He may have really low self-esteem which could be a red flag. Or he may not be who he says he is. Again, this is a HUGE RED FLAG. If you decide to proceed, proceed with caution.

He Violates Your Deal-Breakers

You’re anti-gun and anti-war. He’s a gun-loving, pro-military member of the NRA. Stick to your guns. ;)  Seriously, if you start negotiating your non-negotiables, that’s a red flag.

A Note About Yellow and Red Flags

According to Andy Whaling, MFT (Pasadena Sunday Night Singles, 2000) three yellow flags equals one red flag.

So, how do you know when it’s a yellow flag or a red flag? Trust your gut. And if you need back-up, ask your close friends – the ones who have your back. They won’t be swayed by his hot pic or charming profile. Because, they want what’s best for you.

And that’s what you want in a guy — a good friend who has your back and wants what’s best for you. Plus you get all the romance and other stuff too.  :)


If you’re in the L.A. area, I hope you’ll join me to talk about Online Dating: How to Spot His Red Flags at my October meetups!

Finding Mr. Right Meetup

Saturday, October 11

Dating After Divorce Meetup
Wednesday, October 15


Is He Worth Your Time?
How to Avoid Liars, Con Men and Scams
Setting Up the First Date

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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