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How to Find Someone Who Really GETS You! November 14

Do you want someone who really gets you — a soul mate, heart-to-heart connection?

But, are you having a hard time finding that special someone — who really understands you? And do you sometimes feel like you have nothing in common with the people who are interested in you?

The key to finding someone who really gets you is to find someone who can “tune in” to you.

What is Tuning In?

Tuning in what parents do to let their baby/child know that they’re paying attention. It’s how they communicate understanding of what their child is feeling. They do this by “matching” the baby’s sad voice with their sad voice and words. And when the baby is squealing with joy or excitement they mimic excitement and happiness back to the baby.

Their words and tone of voice “mirror” what the baby/child is feeling and that helps the child feel understood. It also helps the child identify what they’re feeling. The parent’s brain is actually hard-wiring the baby’s brain.

Tuning In as Adults

If your parents didn’t know how to tune in to you, it makes it harder to find someone who really gets you, because:
1) You haven’t really had the experience of someone paying attention to you in that very special way that makes you feel heard and understood.

2) You may have trouble identifying and communicating what you’re feeling.

3) You may have trouble tuning in to what others are feeling.

(Note: This is why con men are so effective at winning someone’s trust. Because they know how to do this very well. We’ll talk more about how to watch for this potential pitfall at the meetup.)

Tuning In Live Demonstration(s)

So we’re gonna try something new at this month’s meetup. We’re gonna do a LIVE demonstration of what it looks and feels like when someone tunes in to you.

Then you’ll have the opportunity to practice tuning in to each other! (NOTE: This is a purely voluntary opportunity. If you just want to observe and give feedback that’s great, too.)

That way when you’re out on a date or in your next relationship, you’ll be able to recognize if the other person can tune into you or not! (Plus you’ll get better at recognizing your own feelings and tuning in to others. :)

Here’s how it’s gonna work:

I’ll do a demonstration for everyone showing what it feels like when someone tunes into you (attunement) and how that’s different from someone who doesn’t tune in to you.(misattunement).

If you’d like to be part of the demonstration with me, send me a message. Otherwise, I’ll just ask for volunteers at the meetup.

Then I’ll have you break into small groups and whoever would like to can practice tuning in to each other. The other group members will observe and give feedback when the role play is done. I’ll visit the groups and give feedback too.

Then we’ll come back together as a large group and talk about your tuning in practice.

How to Find Someone Who Really GETS You!
Saturday, Nov. 14
3:00 p.m.
E.P. Foster Library
651 E. Main St., Ventura, CA
Cost: FREE

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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