Are you looking for Mr/Ms Right? Do you want a relationship that includes friendship, romance, love and commitment? Do your friends tell you you’re asking for too much? Do you worry you’ll have to settle?
I hope you’ll join me to chat about, “How to Get the Whole Package — Friendship, Romance, Love and Commitment!”
Because that’s not asking for too much. You deserve to have it all!
How Do You Find the Whole Package?
Terry Gorski (1993) has the best framework I’ve seen for how to build a healthy relationship. He likens it to a “blueprint” for building a house. You start with the foundation. Then you keep building level by level.
Can You Hang Out Together?
In the beginning you’re just getting to know each other. You’re acquaintances sharing basic information in a low-key setting. And you’re finding out if the other person can treat you with courtesy and respect.
You’re also finding out if you can just be together in a non-intense way. That’s important because in a long-term relationship most of your time is spent just hanging out together. You want to find out if that’s going to be comfortable for the two of you.
Do You Have Stuff in Common?
Next you become companions. That means you share some common hobbies or interests. You don’t need to have everything in common. But, it helps if you enjoy doing some of the same things together.
This is also when you begin to share your friends/social circle. And they begin to include you in their world. If you invite them into your world and they don’t reciprocate, it may mean they don’t have much happening in their life or worse they could be hiding something. Either way, it could be a red flag.
Are You Friends?
As you begin to care about each you move into the friendship stage. You share more of your feelings and values. And you pay attention to how they handle what you share. Are they respectful and responsive? Do they share back? When they do, it’s your turn to take good care of them and their feelings.
You’re adding new levels of closeness to your relationship. And you’re making sure it’s safe before you move to the next level.
Do You Have Passion?
By building the relationship slowly you have a solid foundation before you move to the romance stage. If you have sex in the beginning of a relationship, when it’s mostly infatuation, you don’t really know each other. Or as Gorski says, “You’re having sex with a stranger,” which can be exciting, but also dangerous (p. 212).
Plus, when you wait to have sex, your passion is based on who they really are and who you really are. So, the attraction isn’t going to wear off once you really get to know them. (In fact, there can be more passion because you have more trust. And that enables you to be freer with each other.)
Are You Ready to Build a Life Together?
If you’ve built your relationship slowly and in stages you have the basis to make a good decision about committing to the other person. You know they treat you well. You have some things in common. You take good care of each other. And you’re attracted to each other.
You’re ready for a commitment. You commit to working things out and sticking around when things get tough. You commit to staying together.
Most of us have no idea how to find and create a healthy relationship. So this meetup is really special. Plus I’ll be including a Guided Imagery to help you attract healthy love!
How to Get the Whole Package – Friendship, Romance, Love and Commitment!
Saturday, June 20
E.P. Foster Library
651 E. Main St., Ventura, CA
Gorski, T. (1993). Getting Love Right: Learning the choices of healthy intimacy. New York: Simon & Schuster.