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Do You Ever Have Trouble Speaking Up?

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I saw the movie The Help yesterday. It was powerful and inspiring. I won’t tell you more in case you plan to see it. But, it’s about speaking up and sharing your truth at great personal risk. That kind of courage amazes me.

The movie isn’t about romantic love. But, it is about love — love for self, love for others, and loss of love… in fact lots of loss at the hands of others.

But somehow, the women in the story still find the courage to still speak up.

Which leads me to the question — Is it ever hard for you to speak up?

Do you ever wish you had the courage to share more of who you really are and what you really want or need? (That’s what we’re finding in our survey – Help Me Help You.)

If it’s hard for you to speak up, you probably didn’t learn how to ask for what you wanted growing up.

Somehow you got that your needs weren’t important or valid. Maybe you were criticized, or rejected or just ignored. Or maybe it was even dangerous for you to risk speaking up. You learned it was safer to just stay quiet. That’s why it’s so hard to speak up now.

It’s easy to tell yourself:

  • I’m asking for too much
  • I’m too sensitive
  • I might get hurt
  • If I speak up, I might lose him (or her).
  • I probably won’t get what I want anyway.

That’s why it’s important to risk in little ways first to see if the other person is trustworthy. If they take good care of you with little things, you can try trusting them with bigger things.

Then you can discover, in a good relationship…the other person cares about you and what you want or need as much as you care about them.

They may not always do exactly what you want, when you want it. But, you can find ways to get what you need or at least reach a compromise you can both live with.

On the other hand… if you speak up and they reject, criticize, or ignore you … Well, that’s a BIG RED FLAG.

And you deserve better.

I’ll hope you’ll join us to talk more about this and other survey topics, at our Group Video Chat, Help Me Help You, Saturday, August 20th.

And Until Then — Keep Taking Good Care of You,


Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

{ 2 comments… add one }
  • huner

    I remember, saying what I wanted to say, and hurting myself, physically, a pain in my chest would arise.

  • Vondie

    Well, you know first I have to tell you to be sure and get that checked out to make sure you’re not having any actual medical problems…
    But assuming you’re not… I hear you! I’ve had times where my heart actually “ached” from emotional stuff. So, you’re not alone!
    But, good for you for speaking up. I KNOW it’s not easy.

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