I hope your new year is off to a good start. Mine has been good, but not without it’s challenges.
Last month my mom was in the hospital. And this month, my boyfriend is working 12+ hours a day.
We’ve each had a hard time in our own way. And we don’t have enough time together.
I read A General Theory of Love over the holidays. It’s about the science of attachment/relationships. They talk about how important our relationships are.
When we feel like we miss our loved ones, it’s because we really need them. At a core level, they actually “regulate” us in important ways.
Most of us know our loved ones affect our emotional health. They provide care and comfort and reassurance when we need it. And when we don’t get those things, we really feel it.
But, we may not realize that the impact goes even deeper. They also help stabilize us physically. So, when they’re gone, we can lose sleep or even get sick.
And we need them even more, when we’re under stress.
That’s why it’s so important to:
- Make time for each other.* We can’t develop and keep that bond if we don’t have enough time to just be together. That’s how we stay tuned-in to each other. That’s how we know what’s going on with the other person and what we each need.
- Take care of each other (It’s not 50-50. It’s 100-100.)* That’s why it can’t be, “You do your share, and I’ll do mine.” We both have to be “all-in.” Because sometimes, it’s not even. But over the long haul, if we take care of each other, we’ll both be happier.
A deep attachment relationship isn’t a luxury. It’s essential, if we want to be healthy and happy. And, it enables us to survive the rest of life’s ups and downs.
So, the best way to really take care of ourselves is — to be there for each other and take care of each other.
My boyfriend and I are doing our best with his long hours. And, my mom is doing better, which is a big relief. But, I’m really looking forward to things getting back to normal.
I’d love to hear how you are “there for each other” and how that gets you through the ups and downs of life.
Lewis, T., Amini, F., & Lannon, R. (2000). A General Theory of Love. New York: Random.