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Feeling Alone in Your Relationship this Holiday Season? It Doesn’t Have To Be Like This!

Being single or recently divorced during the holidays is definitely no picnic.

But, being in a bad relationship can even be worse.  In fact, feeling alone in your relationship is the worst kind of loneliness.  And the holidays can heighten those lonely feelings. 

At holiday get-togethers, you can find yourself acting like everything’s okay, even when it’s not.  You end up feeling distant from your family and friends because you don’t want to tell them how you’re really feeling or how things really are.  Because you know what they’ll say. 

And you end up feeling even lonelier. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying relationships never go through ups and downs or that they should feel good all the time.  That’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about a relationship, that may have started out good, but now feels bad most of the time.

So, why do women stay in relationships that feel so bad?  

  • You get attached.  As as woman, once you get physical, you will most likely bond with your partner.  So, even if the relationship changes and it isn’t feeling good anymore, the thought of ending it might actually feel worse. 
  • You believe the person, you fell in love with, is still in there somewhere.  And he may be.  But, usually, he’s on his good behavior in the beginning.  And over time, you see more of who he really is.  Or maybe he was one of those guys who really comes on strong, but loses interest once he has you.  Either way, it’s important to make decisions based on your actual relationship and how you’re being treated today; not based on the past or hopes that he’ll change in the future.   
  • You don’t realize you deserve (and can have) so much more!  Sometimes, it’s easy to think this is “as good as it gets.”  Or maybe you’re asking for too much.  So, you give-up on what you really want in a relationship and try to make the best of a bad situation.

If you’re in a relationship that feels bad, more than it feels good, remember — it doesn’t have to be like this!  It’s not asking too much to want someone to love — who will love you back!

You deserve a relationship that feels good (most of the time).  You deserve someone who knows they’re lucky to have you in their life.  Someone who loves and appreciates you and treats you right!   That’s not asking for too much.  In fact, it’s what everyone who really loves you already knows.

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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