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Why Summer Relationships Don’t Work

I got an email a while back from someone at MTV about a reality show they wanted to do on summer relationships.  They wanted to follow couples in relationships that would be ending after the summer.  They also wanted to film my Summer Relationship Group, to which I said “No Way!”

I had to explain that my Relationship Group group was meeting for the summer.  It wasn’t about summer relationships.  But, I could see why they were interested in the show.  There would sure be potential for a lot of drama.

I’ve shared how women “commit with their bodies,” whether they want to or not (see article, Why Are Commitments Such A Big Deal?  And Why Do Women And Men Approach Them So Differently?).  And I’ve been asked what I meant by that.

What I mean is that we bond emotionally when we get physical with someone.  That’s why — once your body is involved, it feels like your brain stops working.  (And the truth is it kind of does… stop working.  But, more about that in another article.)  Anyway, I know sometimes you think you can get physical “just for fun” and be “like a guy.”  But it doesn’t usually work out that way.  (It rarely feels fun … after).

That’s why the whole “friends with benefits” and “hooking up” thing doesn’t really work.

I’ve heard men try to figure this out.  And, they’re confused.  They don’t understand why a woman and her friends try to prevent her from hooking up, while the guy and his friends will do almost anything to make it happen?  I’ve heard the women explain that it’s her friends who’ll have to listen to her and hold her hand “the morning after.”

In other words, women usually regret a one-night-stand, unless it turns into something real, like a relationship.

So, I guess I can see why they wanted to do a T.V. show about summer relationships and their endings.  Because, even knowing the relationship’s gonna end wouldn’t keep women from bonding.

Just like knowing that he’s not right for you or that it’s not gonna work out, for other reasons, doesn’t seem to matter.  Once you’re in, you’re pretty much in.  (And even if he’s driving you crazy and you’re driving your friends crazy, it can still be hard to get yourself out!)  Which is why it sort of makes sense to get to know him as much as you can before  you bond.  But, I know … “easier said than done.”

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

{ 1 comment… add one }
  • Jairo de leon

    Well, I think that men and women are definitely wired diffrently when it comes to intimacy. Most men are driven more by physical needs and most women are driven more by emotional needs, such as feelings of acceptance, feelings of belonging, etc. I think that most women tend to not involve their feelings. But it is impossible, because it is part of their nature and by accepting that, women of all ages can make better decision about with whom to get involved. One night stands really just benefit the man and it only creates heartbreak for the woman.

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