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It’s Good To Be Different As Long As We Speak Up! (And Valentine’s Talk, Feb. 15, 2007)

One of my favorite talk topics is how men and women are different in relationships. 

The funny thing is … no matter how much we talk about it, in real life, we still have trouble BELIEVING just how different we really are!  But, being different doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  As long as we respect and care about each other’s differences, it can be okay.

In fact, it can be good.  It’s part of what makes us interesting and attractive to each other.  After all, if we were exactly alike, we might as well be dating ourselves, and where’s the fun in that?

But, the key is learning to tell each other what we need, especially if it’s something the other person doesn’t really “get.”

After all, men may not always care about the things we women care about.  But a good guy will care, if we tell him what we want or need.  And he will genuinely try to figure out what he can do about it.

Remember, men are problem-solvers!  So, our part as women is to speak up!

  • If something’s important to you, tell him — you might want to chat during the TV commercials, rather than watch him channel surf; or you may need a hand with dinner; or to get more personal … maybe you need him to take things a little more slowly in your physical relationship.  Whatever it is, let him know.
  • And then next week, when you need the same thing and you wonder why he isn’t doing it (whatever “it” is), ask him again.  It isn’t personal, sometimes men just don’t think the way we do and he may need to be reminded.
  • If you ask for what you need or want and he doesn’t care or respond, that’s different.  That’s a RED FLAG.

It doesn’t mean that guys have to meet our every want and need.  Some things need to be negotiated.  And some things aren’t worth fighting about.  We have to “pick our battles.”

But a good guy will care about what’s important to us.  (And we’ll care about what’s important to him.  :)  But, it’s up to us to tell him what those things are.

I know it can be hard to ask, especially when it feels like you’ve told him a million times.  Or when it’s something you feel like he SHOULD KNOW without you having to say anything.

But, give him the benefit of the doubt.  Remember a good guy may never “get” why certain things are important to you.  But, because he cares about YOU, he’ll respond when you remind him.  And sometimes, he’ll even remember on his own.  :)

And if you’d like to talk more about dating and relationships, I hope you’ll join me for:

Won’t You Be My Valentine
Universitiy of La Verne
Presidents Dining Room
Feb. 15, 2007
7:00 pm

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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